My life started when I moved to other country. I was born and raised In a small land, where people are still living in some different reality. People are so depressed and annoyed that you can hardly see their smiles. They never talk on the streets, they are afraid of everything, and they have such a immature soles that they are making so many mistakes. The way out of this reality everyone finds different. Most of those people go into the night life, clubbing, drinking, taking drugs and having one night stands. The get so deep into that dirt that at some point they loose themselves. Children hanging out with parents friends, that teach them how to sniff the coke and make the roads of amphetamine. Girls are selling bodies to some rich foreigners, boys are making girls high and try out some new perverted ways of getting pleasure. That are mostly kids from a rich families, as if they are trying out something new. It reminds me the land of sins, where you have to try each one out. 



The feeling of freedom when u graduate the school, first steps to the mature world, world of mistakes and tears, world where you have to cover one’s actions, where you fall deeply in mud, break, rip the nails off, and, stand up and try finding the braveness to become happy and open only your way, lay a pass of your life and engrave it in the hearts of Humanity. 

When we are born we start to discover the world, we find it exiting  , we ask questions because we are curious about the answers, we don’t know so many things, so we start exploring  it from the small ones. Somehow that is why we are so happy in the childhood. 

The first fear that we remember conciously when mom lets of our hand in the kindergarten and the first day of our independent life, under the sensitive guidance of teachers. 

The happiness in school, the bonds that are staying with us through the whole life. First love and first break up. We learn our emotions, and train the brain. The first step into the real life covered with the silk veil. 

And than the prom comes and we get berserk. We revel in freedom. Before it start. 

Snow Flames.

Whenever I thought about the paradise, the only image, that ever came to my mind, was a lake, filled with the mountains of snow, covered with the pure white fringes of trees as a fence round veil, that cuts the world from the paradise.  It was always quiet and calm, and the snowflakes were falling down the sky on your hot cheeks. The moment and you part the lips to catch one with the tongue and laugh out loud when it melts away, leaving a hot trace of a small downy aftertaste.


I am running through the train cabins, trying to find a shelter from a huge lizard. The train goes off the rails, and I can hear a loud whack that doesn’t want to shut up. I open my eyes and realize the sound comes from my phone. It is  6:30 – time to wake up.

I catch the smell of a coffee coming from the kitchen. When my feet touch the floor, I feel a coldness covering my toes. The room is still dark, the curtains hide the other part of the world. I don’t open them, just head to the kitchen, following the perfect mornings smell. When I reach it, the white wooden door is half opened,  Vildik Onuka is playing on a background and my perfect Boyfriend is cooking the breakfast.

Quietly I sneak closer and hug him from behind, putting a light kiss on his bristly cheek.

– Mornin

He turns a bit to my sight.

-Morning. What are you cooking?

I let him go and lean on the table so I can watch him from the side.

We don’t live together, well, at least I wouldn’t say that we are. Usually, I am staying over five / six days a week, I have my corner in the bath and my clothes hang in his cupboard, I have my own pyjama – Mikes T-shirt, that I use since the first day I have stayed at his. It is one of my beloved ones with the ” Serial Chiller” logo.

Eggs and salad. Did you sleep well last night? Mike gives me a cup and turns back to take the plates out.

-I did, just had a strange dream again, thought it wasn’t so awful as always. I chuckle and take a sip of hot coffee. How I love the coffee in the morning when it is still cold and your body feels yet dizzy, this liquid brings the life back. –When are you leaving?

In an hour, we have an important meeting with a client and Amy called in ill. So I’ll have to do all the preparations myself. Amy is Mikes secretary, secretly I hate her, she is an old hag, that stands there in front of his office as a Terminator with her always the same “Michael is on a seminar. I will tell him, that you have called” line. So after couple times I started to call him on the mobile when I need to talk with him. 

-You’ll have a long day than, huh? Mike already put the breakfast and opened the newspaper. I like it that he’s reading a printed newspapers rather than reading news online, it brings something warm up, something family way, as it used to be before the internet time, like in 20s when all the family settled in one room near the radio to hear what happened out there in the streets. I am saying that, but me, myself is always checking news in my BBC app. Every time I open the newspaper I just feel down by that small print, that’s filling the whole A3 format page, so every time I close it straight away, take my phone and open my app. For me the only thing that can’t be replaced with the digital world is book. The smell of the paper and the feeling of the book cover under your fingers. The feeling of childhood, when granny was baking sweet pancakes and dad was reading a goodnight fairytale. 

What are your plans for today? Mike already finished his breakfast while I was observing him, being deeply in my thoughts. 

It’s Christmas soon, I want to check the presents, maybe buy couple today.  Do you already know if you are free on Christmas? Mom wanted us to have a dinner at theirs. 

I will make the evening free, don’t worry. I’ll take a shower now. Mike kissed me on a forehead and left the kitchen. 

It’s so snowy today, the snow is falling without the stop, interesting how’s the car? I am sure I parked it outside. I stand up and go near the window, still with the cup, thought the coffee isn’t hot anymore, that’s better, it doesn’t burn now. 

I remember when I was a child I loved playing in the snow, I could go out alone and spend hours by building a snow castle or snow man, i liked to jump in the snow on my back and wave with the hands up and down, to see a beautiful angel figure afterwards. Time flies so fast. 

I stand there for a while, looking on the white pure snow, than put the cup in the washing machine and head to the room. Mike probably finished with the shower, and I can calmly make a bath for myself.